DEAR ABBY: I am a happy, decidedly single woman with a large group of friends who are all married. Most of us grew up together, and all of us have been like extended family for the past 25 years.

This year, one of the wives lost three family members within three months. This has been devastating to her, of course, as well as to all of us as we watch her struggle to regain her footing in this new reality. I know firsthand the pain she’s living with.

My problem is, she has started accusing me of having an affair with her husband. Nothing could be further from the truth! I’m torn between trying to remember she is angry and lashing out from her losses and being deeply insulted and angry at her.

I have done nothing inappropriate, nor has her husband. I am shocked that she could think such a thing. We see each other often, and I don’t know how to treat her. — FRIEND OR FOE IN NEW YORK

DEAR FRIEND OR FOE: I am concerned for your friend. Are you sure she doesn’t have other emotional or marital problems besides her grief? That she would accuse you of having an affair with her husband when nothing of the sort is happening could be a clue that something is wrong … with her.

Treat her with kindness and suggest that she should talk with a marriage counselor if she feels something has gone wrong in her marriage, because if it’s true, it has nothing to do with you.

DEAR ABBY: Any suggestions on how to motivate a husband? We’ve been happily married for 35 years. Now he does nothing but read, eat and sleep. I’m not exaggerating. He started reading about 15 years ago when our boys were teenagers. He was an active parent, Boy Scout leader, baseball coach, umpire, volunteer in the church, got his masters, and took a high-energy exercise program, etc. But then he discovered fantasy fan fiction, free stories on the internet written by unpublished authors.

He now reads 16 to 18 hours a day on weekends, plus 10 hours each day during the week. He does nothing else — no exercise, no house maintenance, nothing. When I asked if he’s depressed, he said no, he’s just tired and wants to relax. He has regular medical checkups; nothing abnormal there. His career is not high stress — it’s office work.

I cannot get him to socialize, and he no longer keeps up with his friends. All he looks forward to is retiring in about a year, but I don’t want him to retire just to see him read more. This is making for a very lonely marriage. I am unable to motivate him to do anything. — MOTIVATED IN THE EAST

DEAR MOTIVATED: It is time for a frank conversation with your husband. Ask him what he’s using the fan fiction bingeing to escape from. Point out that the lifestyle he has adopted isn’t healthy for him or for your marriage. Proceed from there to find out if a compromise would be workable.

DEAR ABBY: The first Christmas my future husband and I were dating, he gave me an angel ring. I asked him to take me to a bar where my best friend worked so I could show it to her. When I showed it to her, she told me her cancer had come back. I gave her the ring and told her to hang onto it, hoping it would give her the strength to fight another round.

Twenty years later, she became angry with me and wanted to end the friendship. I told her that it was OK and asked her to return the ring. Abby, my entire family saw my husband give it to me. But now she has made up this story about how she had put it on layaway for a year, and it never belonged to me. Even worse is that she played me. She never had cancer in the first place.

While we were at school, her parents emptied their house, except for the contents of her room and disappeared. My mom offered her a home, but she declined. She was into drugs. Yes, she had some tough breaks, but so have a lot of other people, and they haven’t stolen or lied to their friends. We had each other’s back for 40 years and now this has happened. I am heartbroken. She doesn’t seem to care — the layaway lie is her story and she’s sticking to it. What do I do? — LOST MY RING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOST: Accept that the ring is gone. Your drug-addicted “friend” stole it and may have sold it. You may not yet realize it, but you are fortunate that she’s now out of your life. You may have thought she had your back, but you were mistaken. She is dishonest and vengeful. If you’re looking for friendship, you need to look in another direction. You couldn’t do worse than this.

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