DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a lovely older neighborhood and have enjoyed wonderful neighbors over many years. The homes are close together with windows often left open in spring, summer and fall, as large shade trees keep our homes cool.

A couple of years ago, our longtime next-door neighbors moved, and a new neighbor, a single woman, moved in. She was quiet, and we would occasionally visit in the yard. Well, over the last few months, a “problem” has developed. This neighbor has a new male friend who is there much of the time. Since the new friend’s arrival, loud moaning sounds frequently emanate from her home.

It quickly went from a bit funny to shocking to annoying. It’s unbelievable how loud and prolonged the moaning sounds are, the “Oh, Gods,” the slapping and spanking sounds, not to mention the frequent back-to-back sessions.

Other neighbors hear it and have commented, so it’s not just we who are offended. One neighbor thought someone was in distress and almost called the police until another neighbor told her what it was. It has awakened us and kept us up at night. Also of concern is that there are small children among our nearest neighbors.

Abby, is there anything you can suggest I do so our neighbor keeps her private business private without embarrassing or offending her? I would sure like to put an end to the auditory assault. — KEPT AWAKE IN OHIO

DEAR KEPT AWAKE: Approach your neighbor privately and inform her that the sounds of her lovemaking are creating a disturbance not only for you, but also for the other neighbors. Tell her that one of them nearly called the cops, but someone was able to stop the person. Then suggest that when she entertains her gentleman caller, they close the windows, because not only are people scandalized, but there are children who can hear what’s going on. Then cross your fingers. If the noise isn’t abated, do inform the authorities. Perhaps they can be more persuasive.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to my husband for 40 (long) years. Whenever I do something wrong, I get a note on the kitchen counter. This has gone on for years and years. This is the note I woke up to this morning. “Why did you leave the light on in the garage? To burn it out to see what I would do? I will do nothing except go to the garage in daylight.” He always makes it seem like I purposely do things. I’m tired of being treated like this. What is his problem? — NOTES IN THE EAST

DEAR NOTES: I will assume you have addressed this directly with your husband. For whatever reason, he is hesitant to communicate with you face-to-face, which is why he resorts to notes on the kitchen counter. Instead of openly expressing his annoyance, he expresses it indirectly, which is the definition of passive-aggression. The next time it happens, call him on it — and confront him directly.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my sister and I took our kids on vacation together. She and I get along but have never been close. Sometimes I walk on eggshells around her because I never know what might make her upset.

I thought we were having a good time on that vacation and getting along well, even though I was anxious. We were both taking pictures with our phones, and she handed me hers to forward myself some of the pictures. While I was looking at them, a text message pinged, and I checked it without thinking about it not being my phone.

It turns out my sister had spent the entire vacation texting about my “B.S.,” my inability to do anything competently and even referenced something that happened years before. I had noticed her constant texting but said nothing because I didn’t want to risk an argument.

I am still angry about this and don’t know how to let it go. I really don’t want to travel with her again, since I know the invisible third party will be with us the whole time. How do I deal with this? — STAYING PUT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STAYING PUT: When you saw that message from your sister’s text partner you should have handed her the phone and started packing. You are not obligated to travel with someone who causes you to walk on eggshells, ignores you, puts you down and says nasty things behind your back. Don’t be mean about taking steps to protect yourself. Simply stop vacationing with her. (I know I sure would!)

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