DEAR ABBY: My sister- in-law “Nancy” and my wife have a strained relationship, but they love each other and talk often. Every so often, Nancy becomes abusive with my wife. The ire stems from a messy divorce Nancy went through 15 years ago.

We have traveled to see Nancy’s son (our nephew) who lives with her ex, “Jim.” While we are there, we see them both and enjoy some quality time together. This aggravates Nancy, who feels that because (in her opinion) Jim was solely responsible for the divorce, we are disrespecting her by visiting him. I think she should understand that we developed a relationship with him during their marriage.

We love Nancy, but we feel we are entitled to maintain the relationship with her ex. Are we wrong? Must we choose a side since she is so hateful toward him? — WRONG SIDE IN TEXAS

DEAR WRONG SIDE: Nancy is hurt and bitter that Jim left her, as well as possessive of you and her sister. Time has not mellowed her. You are not wrong to maintain a relationship with your former brother-inlaw. As adults, you and your wife are entitled to have a relationship with anyone you wish. (It is also understandable that you would want to maintain a relationship with your nephew.) That said, however, it would seem prudent for the two of you to disclose less to Nancy about your travels because she is so sensitive and emotional about it.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin’s son “Troy” is being married in eight months. I just received the “save the date,” and I’m trying to decide whether to attend. The wedding is out of state, requiring travel and a hotel. Troy and I haven’t spoken in years.

He has never shown an interest in getting to know me. The last communication I had with him was a thank-you note for his high school graduation gift eight years ago. Once, when Troy, his brother and his mother were supposed to spend a day or two visiting me while on vacation, they decided at the last minute to visit other relatives in California. And last year, when the family was supposed to come for Thanksgiving, they rented an Airbnb close to my house, and then everyone made plans to do things without me. Needless to say, I was surprised to receive his “save the date.”

Must I attend? Should I attend? Should I send a gift, or simply convey my best wishes for a happy marriage, like I would to any other stranger or acquaintance? — BAFFLED IN ARIZONA

DEAR BAFFLED: Because relations with this branch of the family are so distant, I don’t think you need to go to the expense of traveling to be there. However, the polite thing to do to maintain some sort of family connection would be to send a gift to the happy couple, along with a card conveying your good wishes. (My intuition tells me you likely won’t receive an acknowledgement for your generosity, so don’t be disappointed.)

DEAR ABBY: I have fallen out with my best friend of 20 years, and I’m not sure how to proceed. A few years ago, she started a new job and became too busy for chats or to catch up. However, whenever we do manage to chat or catch up, she wades in with advice and suggestions about what I “need” to do to improve my situation.

I’m recently separated from a marriage of 20 years, and I’m trying to keep things even for my two teenage children. I became increasingly frustrated by how inappropriate her suggestions were and eventually lost my temper. I told her to stop making suggestions as they weren’t helpful, and that she was too removed from my life. This was three months ago, and since then, she has ceased all contact and didn’t reply to my apology for losing my temper. She said no one has ever hurt her the way I hurt her.

She has now emailed me asking to meet when she’s less busy, saying she’s still very hurt but she misses me. I miss her too, but at the same time, I don’t miss the stupid suggestions. She’s godmother to one of my children (she has had no contact with her since this happened, even missing her birthday). How should I handle this? I am very hurt at how she deserted me at a time when I needed people around me while going through a painful separation. DESERTED IN DUBLIN, IRELAND

DEAR DESERTED: Emotions are raw and folks are rarely at their best when going through a divorce. At the same time, your friend appears to be stressed because of her work schedule. Since your separation, you are looking for more emotional support and contact than she is now able to give you. She, too, was hurt when you – with no filter – rejected her attempts to be helpful. You did the right thing to apologize. Be glad there is a thaw on the horizon because, with time, things may improve if you can tactfully communicate what you need and do not need from her.

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