DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Wade,” and I were expecting our first child and couldn’t wait to tell the news to our family and friends. But my boyfriend can’t keep a secret, and before we told our parents, he told his best friend and his wife. Wade told them to not tell anyone since we still hadn’t reached the 12-week mark.
A month later, I found out they told Wade’s ex-girlfriend I was pregnant. I was extremely upset, because it wasn’t their business to tell, especially to Wade’s ex. It doesn’t sit right with me that his ex found out I was pregnant before my parents did.
When Wade confronted them, they denied it, saying the ex already knew. But my sister-in-law confirmed that the ex also reached out to her and asked if we were expecting because the best friend’s wife had told her we were. I felt betrayed. Wade cut that couple off and uninvited them to the gender reveal/ baby shower, which upset them, so they unfriended us on social media.
The situation continued to weigh heavy on my conscience. I mean, Wade’s ex was going to find out eventually. So I tried to be the peacemaker and messaged the couple asking if we could meet to clear up misunderstandings and told them their friendship means a lot to us. They didn’t respond. I left it at that and haven’t reached out again. It’s been six months. Did I overreact and destroy a friendship just because of my pregnancy hormones? — BRANDNEW MOM IN MISSOURI
DEAR MOM: I don’t think so. You reacted the way you did because someone you trusted spilled the beans about your pregnancy. Not only that, but she also leaked the news to your husband’s ex-girlfriend after being asked to keep her lip zipped. Then, when confronted about it, she lied to you about it. These are not the hallmarks of a good friend whose judgment (or word) you can trust. It shouldn’t have been your responsibility to be the peacemaker. She owes you and your husband an apology. You did not overreact because of your hormones; you reacted the way you did because you have good sense.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to the same man for nearly 50 years. We raised a sweet family, had successful careers and never strayed from each other. For the last 20-plus years, I’ve had little or no desire for sex. I understand it medically as well as emotionally, but Hubby doesn’t get it at all. He thinks we should be like we were back in the ‘70s and ‘80s.
I’m happy for senior couples who engage in healthy sexual relationships. I am just no longer into it and, honestly, also not interested in taking medication to “enhance” me. What’s wrong with a man taking something to “un-enhance” himself? I know the biblical duty God gave for procreation, hence 100-year-old men fathering children with young women. The balance has never been balanced.
Yes, I had a hysterectomy 20 years ago. After that, I lost all interest, yet Hubby still had needs. Some are met; many are not. It is now a big issue. I’d like to sail peacefully through the next 10 years, if I have that long. I’d like him to find happiness, too. Is it crazy to divorce over such an age-old need for a man? — HAPPY THIS WAY IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR HAPPY: “Castrating” your husband is not the answer. If you two can agree on an arrangement that will benefit both of you, it would be emotionally and financially far less disruptive than a divorce.
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