DEAR ABBY: I have always looked inside a person before casting judgment. It has been six years that I’ve been close friends with my neighbor “Tim.” I have always regarded him as a Kramer from “Seinfeld.”

I have OCD. I am a clean freak. I work hard to support myself and my kids. Tim is on every government program. He’s a hoarder. His dog is filthy, and Tim literally has to leave notes posted in his house to “remind” himself to wash his own hands. Tim is politically my opposite. He’s narcissistic, and if you disagree with him, he gets crazy, raging with anger. I have remained friendly with him because I feel bad for him.

Tim is always asking me to go out to dinner or an event, and I’m always turning him down. He doesn’t have much money, so when he needs something, I help out. Lately, though, because I feel like he’s taking me for granted, I have been quietly pushing him away. Tim has now become increasingly needy, both emotionally and financially. How can I end the friendship without sending him into a spiral? — NEIGHBOR IN NEVADA DEAR NEIGHBOR: Friendship is supposed to be reciprocal. From your description of your relationship with Tim, it has been all take and no give. Because this relationship has become so lopsided, continue refusing his invitations, be less available when he wants to dump his troubles on you and quit giving him money.

DEAR ABBY: I am tormented by an incident that occurred at a time when I did not have the ability to object or present facts to disagree. My father had given me permission to invite my three close college friends for a holiday dinner. My stepmother evidently objected to it.

A week before the dinner, my stepmother’s father began verbally attacking me for inviting my friends, implying that I had been out of line. He said, “Holidays are for family.” I was shocked by his statement because I had been taught from elementary school that people invite others for the holiday to share our gratitude for what we have. This could include those who have no family and are alone for the holiday. After that holiday, my stepmother told me I would never have friends over again for any holiday.

In each of the 25 or so years that have passed, that painful incident comes to mind, and I wish I had had the ability to speak out. What would you suggest should have been the proper answer, at the time, in this case? — SEARCHING FOR CLOSURE DEAR SEARCHING: You could have told your stepmother that sharing holidays with friends was never forbidden before she came along, but now that she ruled the roost, you and your friends would be celebrating elsewhere. I hope that in your adulthood you have practiced the principle of inclusion which is intrinsic to your nature.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I host regular meetings of a book club. It has been very successful; lots of people attend. We serve wonderful food and wine. Two attendees rarely miss this event, although they have never actually been invited. They come by default with their spouses, whom we did invite many years ago.

We are not fond of these two women because they are whiny and annoying. They go on and on about their ailments and life problems, and they rarely have anything insightful to say about the books we discuss.

My spouse and I wonder if they have ever read any book, much less one of the books we cover. We’re not sure if anyone else who attends feels the same way, but we do know that some of our friends have hung out with them. I often tell my spouse we need to drop them from the invitation list. She says we can’t because the other attendees will notice, and we’ll look like the bad guys.

Is my partner right? Is there any way to stop inviting them without looking mean? I’m worried we will be stuck hosting the pair forever into our old age. — HATES THIS PLOT IN THE WEST DEAR HATES THIS PLOT: You very well may wind up hosting those two pills in perpetuity, unless at the next meeting, you establish some rules that should have been made clear from the beginning. In order to participate in these get-togethers, members of the group must have read the book under discussion and refrain from discussing other topics during the meetings. To do this is not unreasonable.

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