DEAR ABBY: My husband developed an addiction to slot machines, but I didn’t realize it. He would leave the house in the early morning before I woke up. Abby, he gambled away every single asset we had accumulated during our 58 years of marriage – somewhere around $600,000! I found out after he asked his grown children for “grocery money.”

We are now bankrupt and must rely on our son, who offered to bail us out if he could be the trustee of our land, home, everything. He takes our monthly pensions and gives us a tiny allowance when we beg for something, but we are so poor we can’t see a movie, eat out or go anywhere, including to visit our other kids.

I’m extremely depressed that nothing can solve this problem for the rest of my life. I’d find another job teaching, but I’m in my 80s and have limited mobility. At least I’m still in my home. I realize this is a dead-end street, but it helps to vent. Can you comment? — LOST IT ALL IN TEXAS

DEAR LOST IT: Is your son giving you such a tiny allowance because that is what your finances dictate, or is he trying to punish his father for getting into the predicament in which you find yourselves? Talk to your son and explain that the little money he doles out does not allow you to go anywhere, eat out or even see a movie, and see if you, his mother, can convince him to relent so you are not being punished for something you had no part in.

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your response to “Dutiful Daughter in Alabama” (Nov. 10), who put a camera in her 80-year-old mom’s den in case of a fall and overheard Mom make negative comments about her. Installing a camera in someone’s home without their consent is disgusting and wrong, legally and morally. The elderly, in addition to the rest of the population, have a right to privacy in their own homes.

If “Dutiful Daughter” was really concerned about her mother falling, she should have considered a medical alert device, which would have notified family and summoned medical help the moment she fell. This is the safer, legal and common-sense solution.

It sounds like “Dutiful” had other undisclosed reasons for installing a camera. Why did she listen to a conversation that was clearly private? How would she know if her mother fell in another room of the house? If her mother was talking on the phone or visiting with her son, it should have been clear that she was OK and no additional spying was required.

After reading this letter, if children think it is OK to invade their parents’ privacy without their consent, I’m happier than ever to be child-free. ANNE P. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ANNE: To put it mildly, you are not the only reader who disagreed with my answer to that letter. I confess, I didn’t consider the privacy issues that were ignored. Mea culpa.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are approaching our 40th anniversary. Friends and family have already begun to mention the upcoming milestone. While I politely acknowledge the event, I hide my indifference. You see, my wife has always been a serial cheater. It’s a secret I have kept from everyone, especially our children. Because she has always been a wonderful mother, I would never do anything to tarnish their love and appreciation of her. The children are a large part of the reason I have remained married. Aside from her betrayal, she has been a good wife and companion, and I still love her.

During her affairs, I fought depression by submerging myself in work and crying when alone. Our children are grown and on their own now. We have a beautiful grandson. We both retired a couple of years ago, and that is when the reality of the past 40 years hit me. I no longer have the crutch of work to help me through.

Our marriage has been sexless since she went through menopause 15 years ago. I have been loyal to her all these years, but I still desire intimacy. I have a few female friends who, in the past, have shown an interest in more intimate relationships. Would it be wrong to rekindle and move forward with an old friend? I have no intention of leaving my wife, but I am so in need of something more. — FORTY YEARS A FOOL

DEAR ‘FOOL’: Have you actually talked to your wife (whom you love) about this? Many postmenopausal women whose libidos have declined still enjoy sex. This is a subject she should have discussed with her gynecologist 15 years ago because this is not an insurmountable problem. If she refuses, you would be within your rights to tell her you want the same dispensation you have given her for 40 years of infidelity, because you still need and desire intimacy. Her response will tell you everything you need to know.

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