DEAR ABBY: I am a widow who has been dating a widower for the past eight years. He’s a wonderful man and the love of my life. We both have children, so we have been extremely careful not to cause them any distress with our relationship, and we have kept our home lives pretty separate.

At first, I thought that when the kids graduated from high school, we would maybe change our living situation, but now with all of our kids in college, the kids are going back and forth. One has moved home with me, so a change still doesn’t seem appropriate.

However, even when the kids are all out of college and living on their own, I’m still not sure I want to move into his house. It’s an amazing home in a wonderful town with lots of room for me, but it was built with his deceased wife, and all of her things and decorations permeate the place.

I just don’t feel I could ever make it my home, as it was their family home from the time they were married and where they raised their daughter. Moving into my house is not an option because it is small, and I don’t think he would want to do that.

I thought we could possibly sell both places and buy something together, but, again, his house is such an amazing place that I doubt we could find anything comparable. What should I do? — MAKING A CHANGE, OR NOT

DEAR MAKING: I think it is time you and your longtime partner have a serious, honest conversation about what your options are after all the children are finally independent. Express that as beautiful as his home is, you have qualms because it was the home in which he and his late wife raised a family. Tell him you fear any changes would be resented, and the house you live in is just too small. Then listen to what he has to say.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became aware that someone I know through various community groups is married to a man who is on the local sex offender list (involving a child under 13). This information was confirmed by another community group member as we needed to see how it would affect his volunteer status and our location near a school.

I don’t know how to respond to this information. The man is pleasant and friendly. If I had not known this information, I would have suggested he and his wife get together with my husband and other friends. There are no children in my household, so no one would be endangered by his presence.

Should this information about his sex offender status change how I see or respect him? Neither he nor his wife know that I know, and I don’t plan to tell them or anyone else. What are my responsibilities if I see him around children? — ON ALERT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ON ALERT: Whether or not to see or respect this person is a decision only you can make. No one can do that for you. However, if you see a sex offender in the presence of minor children, you are morally and ethically bound to report it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law, “Louise,” died of cancer five years ago. She was 45; my son, “Pete,” was 48. They’d been married for 15 years and had no children.

Three years ago, Pete met “Shelly” through a mutual friend, and they were immediately attracted to each other. Within a year, they were living together and seem very happy. Shelly has two grown children and three grandchildren. Her mother is also in the picture. I have met her a few times, and she was very pleasant.

What bothers me is that Pete’s “new family” doesn’t include me. They’re aware that I’m on social media and can see all the photos they post – doing things with the kids and their great-grandma – which is lovely. I’d just like to be included once in a while.

This past weekend, I saw another post of all of them, with photos captioned: “Enjoying a leisurely brunch with the whole family.” I was stunned when I realized they were in a cafe that is literally across the street from my apartment, but I wasn’t asked to join them. I won’t bring it up because I’m afraid I’ll be seen as a whiny, insecure old lady. But still, it felt like a deliberate snub.

I have kept a low profile and tried not to be “that” relative who always finds things to meddle in or gripe about. Is there a way to express my feelings without a “poor pitiful me” attitude? — SNUBBED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SNUBBED: It is possible that the dominant person in your son’s household is his lady friend, and she arranges their activities. Talk to your son. Ask if you might have said or done something that has put Shelly off, which is why you have been sidelined. And then, instead of waiting to be asked, start doing some of the inviting yourself. (Be sure to include Shelly’s mother when you do.)

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