DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He is former military, suffers from PTSD and has been verbally abusive and controlling since our wedding. I have always worked to support us, sometimes with two jobs. We have a 14-year-old son.

My husband has a sister who bought a house. I picked up items for her new home and looked at his phone to double-check the address. Among the recent messages my husband had sent to her was one in which he told her he was in hell living with me and he didn’t give a damn about me. He also asked his sister if he could move in with her! (She was fine with that.) He said he would figure a way out, and that there was always a way out.

I am beyond devastated. I have always been supportive of him; now this. Part of me says I should be relieved. Why does it hurt so much? — SHOCKED IN TEXAS

DEAR SHOCKED: This “hurts so much” because you were caught flat-footed, without a clue that your husband is planning on leaving you. Be glad you know, because you haven’t a moment to waste. Schedule an appointment with an attorney who can help you protect yourself from the financial assault that’s coming. If there are assets in the marriage, find out exactly what they are and take your cues from your lawyer. I am rooting for you.

DEAR ABBY: As a single parent with two children, ages 9 and 10, I am in a challenging situation. I have been diagnosed with pulmonary arterial hypertension, a serious heart-lung illness that progressively worsens. Although I am classified as physically disabled, advancements in new medications have significantly improved my condition compared to when my children were younger.

My mother helps me with cleaning my apartment each week, and I truly appreciate and often need her support. She holds a key to my home for emergencies. However, during her visits when we are out, she has removed items from my apartment without my consent. When I have mentioned this to her, she has manipulated my feelings and denied any wrongdoing, despite being caught in the act several times. Am I wrong for being angry about this? VIOLATED IN OREGON

DEAR VIOLATED: You are right for feeling your trust has been violated. It has been. Your mother’s gaslighting you about it is shameful. If there is an alternative to your mother helping with the housekeeping, please consider availing yourself of it. Contact your state department of social services (as well as your doctor) to find out if there are programs to help you with maintaining your household. If that is not possible, you will have to lock up any items of value you don’t want to go missing because of your light-fingered, entitled mother.

DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, at my 40th high school reunion, a few former classmates asked me about my old high school sweetheart. (We broke up after high school.) I decided to find her and located her on Facebook. To my surprise, she never married. I told her I am married. We became friends again, but from 3,000 miles away.

For a few years, it was a nice friendship. We shared old stories, and I helped her out with financial stuff and gave her some emotional support. Recently, she told me she has a long-distance relationship with an “oil rig offshore worker.” I asked her to tell me more about him, and it all points to a scam artist. I recognized all the signs and tried to warn her.

She insists he’s real, it’s true love and they are getting married. (They have never met in person.) Then I got an email from her with some nasty words about my comments. I told her I care for her safety and that the man she’s corresponding with is not real – it’s a romance scam.

I no longer hear from her. I still care about her even though it’s not a high school romance anymore. What should I do? — SWEETHEART IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SWEETHEART: Unfortunately, romance scams like the one you have described are common. The scammer claims to be on an oil rig or in a war zone (but rotating home soon) or is otherwise unreachable in person. He may also have a motherless child he is not parenting on a daily basis because his wife is “dead” and the kid is in “boarding school,” so the target would not be responsible for child-rearing. (How convenient!)

Predictably, an “emergency” arises, and the scammer asks the target to fork over hundreds, or perhaps thousands, of dollars “for a short time only.” After the money is sent, poof! The scammer is gone, and the romance is over.

My advice to you is not to be surprised to hear from her once the con has come to its conclusion.

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