DEAR ABBY: I am a longtime divorcee and a retiree with grown kids. What is troubling me is I’ve always had an issue with taking a shower and all the oil and dirt flowing down my body. I think it’s gross, so I usually wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I also don’t get in the shower to wash my body. I hate getting out of the shower and feeling cold, or trying to get dressed partially wet.

When I’ve been in relationships, I force myself to shower or wipe down with hospital-type wipes. (I still wash up this way, just not regularly, and I know it’s gross.) I dry shave my legs and underarms when needed, but this is really an issue for me. I brush my teeth twice a day. I use a light perfume and often get compliments, but I know from reading your advice that seniors lose their sense of smell and I could be ripe.

I don’t know how to overcome this, and, for obvious reasons, I don’t have a friend I can float this by. I’m healthy and, like everyone, struggle with depression, but I don’t feel it’s bad enough to seek professional help. I’m on a fixed income.

Just curious as to what your thoughts are on this. It’s been a good six weeks since I’ve had a proper shower, and I find no justification for it other than I don’t enjoy it. — UNSHOWERED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR UNSHOWERED: If I thought your quirk could be solved as easily as buying a portable heater for your bathroom, I would suggest it. You state that you suffer from depression “like everyone else.” From the mail I receive, people do have problems interacting with interpersonal relationships, workplace issues, etc., but they do not “all” suffer from depression.

Although you live on a fixed income, you could benefit from discussing your issue with a licensed psychotherapist. Help is available on a sliding financial scale through your county’s department of mental health or your local university with a department of psychology. While medication might help you overcome your depression, getting to the root of your shower avoidance will likely happen once you start talking.

DEAR ABBY: My question is about dating among older adults. I have been on a dating website for a while now. Most of the profiles are fake. I finally encountered a legitimate profile of a nice-looking man, and we are now talking. After one week, we are finally going to meet for dinner. I’m thrilled, but he stated that he has “baggage.” When I asked him what kind, he replied, “It’s physical.” What does that mean?

We have discussed being intimate and, at our age, we are no longer virgins. I intend to go on the date and be gracious and kind, but I am more than a little confused. What are your thoughts? I thought we clicked or I wouldn’t be going on a date with him. What did I miss? — PERPLEXED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PERPLEXED: The nice-looking man who has made a date with you could have been alluding to any number of physical problems. He might be missing a limb or need assistance getting around, or he may be impotent. Because he didn’t give you the laundry list he included in his “baggage,” you are just going to have to find out for yourself and take this a step at a time.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for seven years. My significant other, “Gabe,” and I bought a home together. We are also raising three of his grandsons. I pay half of the mortgage, utilities, food, maintenance and personal necessities. We both pay for our own insurance, car loans and gas.

Abby, there are four of them and one of me. This means utilities and food are used more by them than by me. I’m always after the boys to turn off the lights when not in use and to shut the doors after entering and leaving the house. We live in Arizona, so you can imagine electric bills during the summer, especially in a very large home.

Because Gabe earns more money than I do, I have tried talking to him about the cost. I feel he should pay a higher percentage. Each time, I give him the monthly amount that I spent. He then goes through it with a fine-tooth comb and pays only what he thinks he should pay for. We argue about it every single month. It’s driving me nuts, and the upfront costs are breaking me. Please advise. — PAYING MORE THAN ENOUGH

DEAR PAYING: That Gabe earns more than you do should have been taken into consideration at the time you began living with him and his grandsons. Financial counseling might help you to determine what such an adjustment would mean in terms of dollars. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling is a reliable resource. Because these monthly financial disagreements could erode your relationship, please consider couples counseling in order to work out a plan that is fair for all parties concerned.

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