DEAR ABBY: I have three daughters with children of their own. Every year, we have a family vacation. My daughter “Monica’s” children, ages 8 and 9, whom I love and see regularly, behave badly. They cuss, yell at adults and show no respect whatsoever.

We have brought this to Monica’s attention multiple times. She always reacts like we are wrong and says, “I’m not going to beat my kids.” At no time did we imply she should “beat” her kids, just give them a time-out or a scolding. If any of us tell them “Stop, please don’t do that,” they act like victims. It’s so bad that one of my other daughters told us as we were planning a vacation that she will not be going because of Monica’s kids’ behavior.

Monica accuses us of not liking her kids and being mean. She goes to the school to argue with teachers and the principal if her kids tell her they didn’t get their way. I don’t know what her issue is. Her reasons sound like she is mentally ill. Anything you can recommend? — NOT ENABLING IN NEVADA

DEAR NOT ENABLING: Monica is a terrible parent. A responsible mother would see that her children learn appropriate behavior before they get into serious trouble. Because you cannot help your daughter to see reality, I recommend you stop inviting Monica and her children on these vacations. Their behavior is unacceptable, and their cousins should not be further influenced by their bad example.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old male caring for my 71-year-old wife. She has had health issues for more than 10 years. I own my own business and am the only employee, although my wife does help me with a portion of the business. Dealing with all her health issues, trying to run a business, trying to survive financially and navigating the world today is difficult.

I am seeking resources or a support group in my area that works with people who care for their family members. We have been to counseling, which helped, but did not help me with all that I feel and have to do. I don’t think my wife could navigate this world on her own. Can you point me in the right direction? — RESPONSIBLE IN TEXAS

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: You are carrying a heavy load. An organization called The Caregiver Action Network (formerly the National Family Caregivers Association) may be what you are seeking. Established in 1992, it works to improve the quality of life for tens of millions of family caregivers, providing education, peer support and resources to family caregivers across the country free of charge. For more information, go to caregiveraction.org or call 855-277-3640.

DEAR ABBY: I am neat and organized, but my wife is the opposite. She’s messy and disorganized. I knew it before we married, but we made a handshake deal that she’d make an effort to pick up after herself once we moved in together. Unfortunately, it hasn’t happened.

Every time she comes home, whatever she’s car- rying gets dropped on the nearest flat surface — keys, bags, mail, you name it. She piles things up instead of putting them away and it feels like there’s clutter everywhere I look. Our bed is often piled with clothes and other items stacked almost two feet high.

I find myself constantly picking up after her, which is exhausting and makes me feel like I’m the only one taking care of our house. Her lack of effort is driving me crazy and causing me significant stress. I’ve tried talking calmly to her, setting boundaries for clutter-free areas, even threatening divorce out of sheer frustration. Nothing seems to work. I don’t know what else to do.

I love my wife and don’t want our marriage to fall apart over this, but the constant mess is taking a toll on my mental health and our relationship. How can I approach this in a way that fosters understanding and cooperation? I want us to find a solution that works for both of us without making her feel criticized or attacked. MESSED UP

DEAR MESSED UP: Several thoughts come to mind. You, a man who is “super neat” knew your wife was messy but married her anyway. Short of divorcing her, would it be possible for you to designate certain areas of your home that you agree will remain clutter-free? If that isn’t possible, could you do what some other couples have done, which is live apart? Marriage mediation might help your wife understand the message you have been trying (and failing) to deliver. It’s worth a try, but lifelong habits are very hard to break.

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