DEAR ABBY: I’m a 51-year-old mother and grandmother whose kids don’t talk to me. The reason: My son, “Aaron,” was sexually assaulted by his friend, “Eli,” and I told him his friend was no longer allowed to come over. I spoke to Eli’s mother. She told me she’d take care of it and agreed the two shouldn’t hang out. They were both underage at the time. (Aaron was 10, and Eli was 13.)

A few months later, Aaron told me that it wasn’t Eli but his own uncle “Joe” who sexually assaulted him. I knew better. I talked to Joe and, of course, he knew nothing. I told Aaron to stop lying about his uncle and that Eli still couldn’t come over.

Aaron is an adult now, and he’s got his siblings believing him about his uncle, and he’s still friends with Eli. My husband and I moved next door to Joe, and now all the kids have blocked me from their and their kids’ lives. When I tried to talk to Aaron about the situation, he blocked me completely. Joe knows nothing about what’s going on. How do I get back into my children’s and grandkids’ lives? — TURNED UPSIDE DOWN

DEAR TURNED: Could the boys have been experimenting with getting familiar with their bodies when all this occurred? Did you see something and confront your son and he admitted it? Aaron may have blamed Uncle Joe because he wanted to continue seeing Eli. Or … was his accusation true? You will not be able to heal the schism in your family until everyone is in agreement about what really happened when Aaron was 10.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother, age 70, is making his estate plans with his partner. We have no other siblings or children. I told him I’m financially secure and don’t need him to leave me anything, but he insisted on having my Social Security number, saying it’s needed for beneficiary bequests. I called him back before disclosing the information, because I wanted to make sure it was really him.

He later called me and asked for my passport number because his partner has assets in China, and the paperwork required more information. That was too much information for me, and I asked him to take me out of his bequests entirely. He fussed about having to contact the lawyer and change the trust information but said he would take care of it. Now, he’s no longer speaking to me.

Abby, my brother never disclosed that he would need anything beyond a Social Security number. Should I feel guilty about the added expense of editing his trust? — TROUBLEMAKER SIS IN TEXAS

DEAR SIS: You should absolutely not feel guilty for refusing to reveal the information your brother was requesting! Are you sure it was your brother calling and asking for this highly personal information and not a scammer? I ask because a beneficiary’s Social Security number and/or passport number is not required when someone is being mentioned in a will, and I think you may have dodged a bullet.

DEAR ABBY: My son married a lovely woman, “Noelle,” two years ago. They live a couple of hours away and have a 1-year-old son, my third grandchild. Noelle’s parents live 10 miles from my home. She and the baby go there nearly every weekend but never come by mine. I haven’t seen them since the baby’s birthday five months ago.

My daughter lives down the street from Noelle’s parents. She wasn’t invited to the baby’s first birthday even though she’s the mother of his cousins, so I took her children with me. There were other people there, mostly adults and her cousin’s baby.

We are not horrible people. There has never been any ugliness between any of us. I’m very hurt because they don’t recognize me as a grandmother or any of us as part of the family. My son’s father has never been allowed to meet the baby, and I don’t think he’s even met Noelle.

I have asked my son and daughter-in-law to bring the baby, leave him for the day or even overnight so we can spend some time and get to know him, but it never happens. What can I say to make them understand how much they are hurting the family and the baby by avoiding us? I don’t want to make it worse. — DISAPPOINTED GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: This is a subject you should discuss with your son, who appears to be clueless or entirely ineffectual. Does he recognize what has been happening – that his parents have been pushed entirely out of the picture? If the answer to that question is yes, perhaps he can shed some light on why. If the answer is no, tell HIM how this has made you feel. If you do, perhaps he will assert himself. Better late than never.

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