DEAR ABBY: My son married a lovely woman, “Noelle,” two years ago. They live a couple of hours away and have a one-year-old son, my third grandchild. Noelle’s parents live 10 miles from my home. She and the baby go there nearly every weekend but never come by mine. I haven’t seen them since the baby’s birthday five months ago.

My daughter lives down the street from Noelle’s parents. She wasn’t invited to the baby’s first birthday even though she’s the mother of his cousins, so I took her children with me. There were other people there, mostly adults and her cousin’s baby.

We are not horrible people. There has never been any ugliness between any of us. I’m very hurt because they don’t recognize me as a grandmother or any of us as part of the family. My son’s father has never been allowed to meet the baby, and I don’t think he’s even met Noelle.

I have asked my son and daughter-in-law to bring the baby, leave him for the day or even overnight so we can spend some time and get to know him, but it never happens. What can I say to make them understand how much they are hurting the family and the baby by avoiding us? I don’t want to make it worse. — DISAPPOINTED GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: This is a subject you should discuss with your son, who appears to be clueless or entirely ineffectual. Does he recognize what has been happening – that his parents have been pushed entirely out of the picture? If the answer to that question is yes, perhaps he can shed some light on why. If the answer is no, tell him how this has made you feel. If you do, perhaps he will assert himself. Better late than never.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old woman who is not yet established in life. I have no husband or boyfriend, no kids and no clear direction for a career. I start new, low-level jobs often. My problem is that I look deceptively young for my age. At most, I look 18 or 19.

These employers, co-workers and supervisors treat me differently, and some talk down to me. Some refer to me as a “girl” instead of a “woman.” Some give me incredulous looks if I reminisce about the ‘90s. I have even been accused of lying about my age. Some even had the guts to ask for my driver’s license. Others talk about how “adorable” I am if they think I’m out of earshot.

I have tried wearing more mature outfits, but they were uncomfortable, and it felt inauthentic. I tried wearing makeup every day, but I just looked like a teenager who wears makeup. When I tried mentioning it during icebreakers, it elicited giggles of disbelief. I also tried referring to the year I graduated from college. It doesn’t matter that I speak and behave like an adult, because employees have admitted they thought I was just a precocious teen.

It doesn’t help that my hobbies include cartoons and anime. Nor does it help that I can be painfully shy, which, I believe, many people confuse with inexperience. This has been an issue my entire life, but it has grown more pronounced as I age. The most common (and least helpful) advice I get is “You’ll appreciate it when you’re older.” Well, I am concerned with the present. Advice? — BABY FACE IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR BABY FACE: You look young, act youthful and are following a life path usually associated with someone 10 years younger. This may explain your co-workers’ confusion about your age. Some of them may also be jealous or closed-minded.

It may be time to cut down on job-hopping and home in on a career. If you do, your co-workers may have the opportunity to get to know you better. Until then, be cordial, stand up for yourself and stop letting the remarks get to you. You know who you are, and that’s what is most important.

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