I took a swing at him. I clipped his chin, but the blow had no real force behind it. He looked at me with shock on his face, and then he hit me in return. We stared at each other for a moment, shrugged our shoulders and turned away.

We were in the swimming pool. For some reason, we hadn’t had regular classes that day, and another physical education class had joined the water-polo team for a free swim day. A water-polo ball had been thrown into this pool of boys and the situation quickly turned into a free-for-all. Someone would grab the ball and hang on to it for as long as he could, while everyone else tried to take it from him. The game had no real rules or purpose, it was just a bunch of boys having fun together.

I had just been the possessor of the ball and the guy I took the swing at had been one of the key people who had pried it away from me. I don’t know who he was and I never met him again. I had nothing against him, nor he me. I just struck out in frustration because I had lost the ball. We never spoke, and afterwards I think we easily could have smiled at each other thinking, “Well, that was stupid.”

Over the years as I’ve thought of that incident, I’ve thought to myself, “Why did I do that?” In truth, I don’t know why. But it has caused me to think of other situations in which we have gotten into fights. Maybe the fight was with our spouse or someone at work. Maybe we weren’t really upset with them at all. Instead, we were frustrated at something else that had happened and it just poured out onto them. So, we struck out in that frustration (probably verbally) and hurt them with what we said, and started a fight.

I have enjoyed and benefited from the instructions in how to live provided in the book of Proverbs in the Bible. One of my favorite verses is: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1). It is telling us that when someone strikes out in frustration, that we should meet that outburst with a quiet, assured and soft answer. In truth, when practiced, it does tend to calm things down.

Another of those calming instructions is, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11). Overlook the offense and search for the reason behind it. Doing so in patience shows wisdom and in the end produces better results.

Finally, Colossians 3:12 of the New Testament says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” If we call ourselves Christian, then this is how we are to be with other people, problems and difficulties. It really does produce better results in our interaction with others, and can prevent many fights, even if that fight is nothing more than just a slight clip on the chin.

– Just a Thought Dale Fillmore is lead pastor at New Day Church.