DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 years. Everyone we know thinks we are married, but we never got it on paper. He has always been less empathetic than I would like, and there’s a lot of stuff I either had to accept or move on. He never buys me gifts (no matter how much I’ve told him it bothers me), and it has been a struggle for him to even hug me when I’m sad.
These last few years have been harder than usual. I have blown up like a freaking balloon from emotional eating, and our relationship is falling apart. We haven’t had sex in six months (who knows when before that), and it’s taken a toll on me. I keep wondering if it’s me.
He used to at least give me massages, and I’d feel closeness through that intimacy, but now it feels like we are strangers. I know we have a lot of stressful stuff going on, but where’s the love? How do I talk to him about this? — STRANGER IN LOVE
DEAR STRANGER: Choose a time when you and your partner are calm and as stress-free as possible. Open the conversation by saying you don’t think he is happy and ask him why. Couples don’t “not get around” to getting married. There are usually explanations for it. Those reasons should have been dealt with years ago.
Once he’s done expressing what he thinks about your relationship, it will be time to tell him how lonely, isolated and unhappy you have become. If you are both willing to work on making it better, you have a chance for a better future with him. However, if he runs true to form, then it is time to cut your losses before you starve to death from lack of affection, which is likely the reason for all of your emotional eating.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-girlfriend just can’t get a clue. She continues trying to get me back and even goes so far as to stalk me. I blocked her phone number, but it has become exhausting. How do I tell her I don’t love her anymore and really no longer even like her? I can’t stand her, her family or her friends. She gaslit me for years. Our entire relationship was built on a lie. I’m so much happier without her in my life, but she just won’t go away. Any advice on how to deal with this crazy person would be great. — SO OVER HER IN FLORIDA
DEAR SO OVER HER: Continue to avoid your ex, and if you see her, do not acknowledge her. If she approaches you, tell her you are done and to leave you alone. Do not respond to her calls, emails or texts, and if she mails you anything, write “return to sender” on the package or envelope.
Tell your friends that she is stalking you and her behavior is creepy, and then continue dating and resume your social life. If she acts out or damages your property, report her to the authorities. The most effective way to get rid of her is to resume the life you had before you met her and don’t look back.
DEAR ABBY: My father left our family when I was in sixth grade. Because he had cheated on our mom numerous times, he was removed from his ministry and went into education. I tried to resolve my feelings with him, but he would never admit his faults. When I finally asked him to tell me the truth, he refused.
I am now in my 60s and still angry at him. I have a wonderful wife and two beautiful kids he has never met. Before he dies, I’d like to tell him how I feel about him and ask him one more time to tell the truth. Is this worth the effort? He is 92, so I don’t have much time. — ANGRY STILL IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR ANGRY: Your efforts will be better spent if you meet with your father and tell him you forgive him for his transgressions. Do this not for him but for yourself, to free you from the burden of anger you have carried for all these years – and will continue to carry after his demise.
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