DEAR ABBY: I’m struggling with my integrity and an important friendship. My friend “Beth’s” husband, “Jerry,” came to my house to help with a construction project. After discussing the project, we sat down to visit for a bit. He was very forward with me and overly affectionate. (It’s been 10 years since I’ve had any affection.) He also talked about how affection doesn’t have to “mean anything,” which I believe is true – to an extent. I told him it was inappropriate, but I didn’t stop either of us when Jerry kissed me before leaving.

Part of me was thrilled at being kissed again, even though I know it was wrong. I am sure that I won’t allow it to happen again. I’m afraid to contact him and deliver that message directly, because there’s a chance it wouldn’t be a private message. I couldn’t tolerate Beth knowing this happened. I treasure her friendship. I’ve no idea if Jerry said anything to her about what happened. I’m panicked that I may have lost a treasured friend. Advice? — AFRAID AND WORRIED

DEAR AFRAID: I do have some. If Jerry behaved this way with you, it is likely that he does this with other women who consult him about construction projects. I don’t think it is necessary for you to inform Beth about what happened, but seriously consider using another construction company for your repairs now and in the future. Jerry appears to be a classic cheater, and you are vulnerable after a long dry spell.

DEAR ABBY: My son, “Grant,” who is 37, is autistic. My ex-wife removed him from a group home five years ago and took him out of the country. I made a mistake years ago by allowing her to have guardianship. I tried to stop them from leaving. I have had zero communication with my ex or Grant in those five years.

My 40-year-old daughter, her three children and her husband live with me. I have another daughter, age 35, who lives independently. My daughters have been in constant communication with their mother. My ex comes to the U.S. once a year and meets with them.

Both daughters had difficult younger years because Grant was violent. I have a good relationship with both of them. But every time I ask about Grant, I receive angry responses. I wouldn’t be surprised if Grant is no longer alive. I realize I likely don’t have that many more years and may depart this world without knowing anything about him. I haven’t had a photo or a word. Is there anything I can do? — SAD FATHER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SAD FATHER: So your ex-wife and daughters have a code of silence regarding the whereabouts and welfare of your son. How cruel. Of course there’s something you can do. Pick up the phone, discuss this with your lawyer, and ask what information he or she can unearth about Grant. If necessary, hire a private detective to uncover where your ex took him and whether he’s still living. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: Our adult daughter has children we adore. She asked if we could help out by watching them for a few hours occasionally, and we jumped at that. We had done this regularly before the delivery of the newest addition (three months ago), and the kids would occasionally spend the night. With the new addition, she wanted us to come to her house to watch them, and that was OK as well – anything to ease her anxiety about leaving the baby.

On our first visit, she asked that we not come early, to allow her time to get ready. The second time, we showed up about 10 minutes early. I didn’t realize we were early. I habitually run slightly late. When she opened the door (hand never leaving the door), she said, “I thought I asked you not to come early.” I handed her the food we had brought for the older children, along with some of her things, and started to head back out, because she announced she would just call their father to get off work early. I kissed her cheek, said “I love you,” and told the children I loved them. Her hand never left the door.

We’ve talked about it since, but she says she did nothing wrong. Now she’s gaslighting me, saying I seemed “off” and asking if I was going through anything. While I was early, I really don’t see how it was such a big deal. She hasn’t asked us to watch them since, and when I’ve invited them over, she says they have plans. Advice, please? — PUNISHED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PUNISHED: It is interesting that your daughter is asking whether you were “going through something,” because the opposite may be true. Your daughter may be dealing with emotional problems, a hormone imbalance or having problems coping now that there is a new baby in the mix. If you need an interpreter to give you some insight about the abrupt change in routine, I suggest asking your son-in-law.

© 2025 Uexpress