DEAR ABBY: My oldest son, “Adam,” turned 50 last month. He and his wife, “Lindy,” live four hours away. They invited me and my husband to a birthday party she was having for him. Adam’s daughter from a previous marriage couldn’t make it for whatever reason.

Lindy tends to drink too much. At one point, she went around screaming about how Adam’s “stupid daughter” didn’t bother to make it to his birthday party. To say the least, I was furious. I didn’t speak up because my son’s friends had traveled to be there and I didn’t want to ruin the celebration, and she was obviously very intoxicated.

My granddaughter doesn’t have a good relationship with them. Adam adopted the youngest of Lindy’s three daughters because the two older ones were married. I no longer want to have anything to do with Lindy. Adam and his father don’t know about what happened that night. We haven’t had a good relationship since Adam left his first family for Lindy. Any advice? — HOLDING MY TONGUE IN TEXAS

DEAR HOLDING: Adam knows his wife is a drinker who sometimes becomes out of control. You didn’t mention whether he has maintained contact with his ex-wife or his daughter. That she avoided his birthday party may not have been unexpected. My advice is to keep your lip zipped and resist the urge to further rock the boat.

DEAR ABBY: A friend I’ve known since our school days works in the same organization I do. We’re in different departments, but we had similar jobs when I started six years ago. During that time, I’ve had two big promotions, and she has stayed where she is. Her work is well received, and she always gets positive reviews, so she’s frustrated she hasn’t been promoted.

She asked me to help her figure out what is going on. (When asked, her supervisor didn’t give a straight answer, which is typical here.) I think the problem may be how she presents herself. It’s an old-school setting, and she has a modern attitude toward work-life balance. She dresses within the letter of the dress code but more casual than those around her. She takes personal calls within earshot of others and will pop in and out of the office to run errands or pick up her kids from somewhere, and then work from home to make up the time. While technically it is allowed, others don’t do this.

Only 10% of our job is client-facing, but looking and acting the part is noticed. It would be great if the rules outlined what the managers actually want, but I think reading the room is necessary too. Maintaining our friendship is more important to me than helping her at the office. How much of this, if any, do I share with her? — FAITHFUL FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR FRIEND: You should share all of your thoughts with your friend, because they are pertinent and honest. After that, she should speak privately with her boss and ask why she hasn’t been able to advance in the company.

DEAR ABBY: I’m getting married soon and I am very excited. It is a true blessing. I love my fiancee very much, and I’m happy to spend the rest of my life with her. I have one concern, though, and it is about her daughters. They are great girls. Both are teenagers. I have told them I will be whatever they want me to be, trying not to force any kind of relationship on them that they are not ready to have. My problem is, I am their teacher at the high school.

I have excellent relationships with both girls, but in an effort to make things as comfortable for them at school as I can, I have distanced myself from the other students. I have become grumpier, and I’m quickly becoming the teacher with a lot of homework that all the students dislike. I was always the “nice” teacher, so this is a big change for me. However, I have done it because the girls are grateful for it. The “meaner” I am at school, the better my relationship with the girls is at home.

The other girls in their classes gossip a lot, and they have said some disturbing things about me to the girls because I am marrying their mom. Am I doing the right thing? I’m beginning to be unhappy at work, but it is making my home life very nice with my brand-new family. — PROFESSOR MEAN IN THE WEST

DEAR PROF. MEAN: The right thing? Have you discussed this cockamamie plan with your principal? What is positive about going from being liked by your students to distancing yourself in order to turn your fiancee’s daughters into teacher’s pets? If this continues, they will be social pariahs. You should not have to choose between being popular at school or liked by your soon-to-be stepdaughters. In just a few years, they’ll be out of the house, and you will be the most disliked teacher at the school if you are still employed there.

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