DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, I split from my fiancé of 30 years, “Anthony,” when he accused me of cheating, which I was absolutely not doing. Throughout the entire relationship, he hurt and belittled me. He is insecure and always suspicious. However, he remains attached to my family through my daughter and grandsons, which I am not happy about.

I live across the country now and recently took a trip home to visit my family. I have two sisters. Coincidentally, my niece’s 40th birthday party was being held that Saturday. Nobody knew I was coming, so it was a surprise. But it turns out the real surprise was on me.

When we sat down to eat, one sister (my niece’s other aunt) turned to me and said, “I’m gonna tell you something, and I don’t want to hear anything about it. Anthony and I are in a relationship.” You can imagine how that went over. Not only did she ruin our niece’s birthday party, but I feel betrayed by that sister.

I have contacted her by text and email telling her how I feel, but she doesn’t respond. Right now, I have no desire to talk to her or have any kind of relationship with her. I think she sees dollar signs since he has money, but it’s not right to date your sister’s ex because it breaks the “sister code.” What is your advice on this situation? — BETRAYED SIS IN WYOMING

DEAR BETRAYED SIS: You may have had the longest engagement in history. Wish your sister better luck in their “relationship” than you had, because if your ex is as you described, she’s going to need it. If you feel she violated a “sister code,” then it appears that when money enters the picture, the code is obsolete.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of eight years is from Africa, and we have a 1-year-old daughter. I am white. My wife is Black and 29 years younger than I am. She was raised not to celebrate Christmas. She says it’s because it is associated with pagan rituals coming from satanic worship in old times. She doesn’t want our daughter exposed to this even though she lives in the U.S., where Christmas is a valued tradition, bringing people together with good cheer for generations.

My wife has no desire to compromise on this and is willing to leave the marriage over it. I feel like she thinks she can roll over me with no consequences. Should I start looking for a divorce attorney? TRADITIONALIST IN TEXAS

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: Your wife is convinced she is doing the right thing and protecting her child by not celebrating Christmas. Although I tried, I was not able to find any association between a pagan religion that preceded Christmas and Satanism. Rather than look for a divorce attorney at this point, you might be better served to consult a marriage counselor as well as a religious adviser from the denomination to which your wife belongs.

DEAR ABBY: My close friend “Annie” came to my father’s funeral. She had met him only a couple of times. While I realized she was doing it to be there for me, I felt responsible for her since she knew no one there. I had her sit with me, but I was trying to deal with friends and family I hadn’t seen in a long time. I ended up unable to talk with everyone as the funeral was very emotional. I appreciated her coming, but I wished she hadn’t been there.

I prefer to avoid funerals because I become emotional. Unless it’s immediate family, I prefer to remember the deceased the way they were and keep those images as my last memories.

My dilemma: Annie’s mom is having health issues, and the time will come when she passes. I have met her a few times, but we are not close. I feel I should go to the funeral to be there for Annie as she was for me, but I would prefer to remember her mom as she was. So, do I go for her sake and end up an emotional wreck, or get together with her a few days later, just the two of us, which is what I wish she had done for me? — SAD EITHER WAY IN THE EAST

DEAR SAD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. I can only imagine how emotional you and your family must have been at that funeral. Annie meant to be supportive, and I don’t think it would be helpful to point out that her presence distracted you from talking with the many relatives who had gathered.

I do think you need to ask Annie those questions. (“Do you need me to be present for emotional support at your mother’s services, or would you prefer we get together – just the two of us – a few days later?”) They are important. Take your cues from her reaction, but be prepared for the fact that when it actually happens, her feelings may be different.

© 2025 Uexpress