DEAR ABBY: My best friend “Pat” and I live on opposite sides of the country. I am very concerned about Pat’s daughter and granddaughter, “Mandy.” Pat’s son-in-law is verbally abusive. He calls Pat’s daughter names and tells Mandy that Mommy is bad. Mandy is only 3 and already knows she has to be nice to Daddy so he doesn’t yell at Mommy.

Pat’s daughter refuses to leave her marriage until Mandy is older so as not to confuse her. I know this is terrible for the child and will cause her to have bad memories all her life. I’m also afraid that Pat’s son-in-law will end up physically harming Mandy. Should I be trying to convince my friend to encourage her daughter to leave ASAP? Or do I need to step back and mind my own business?

My friend Pat is determined to stay out of this, and I’m very worried about everyone. — WORRIED IN THE EAST

DEAR WORRIED: Pat’s son-in-law is practicing parental alienation, and they aren’t even divorced yet. Postponing the inevitable is doing Mandy no favors. She’s at an impressionable age, and the attitudes the little girl is forming may remain with her for the rest of her life unless she receives help. I don’t blame you for being worried.

Talk to Pat and suggest to her that she should remain silent no longer. Verbal abuse can easily escalate to physical abuse, and the time to draw the line is now. In case you need to pass this information along, the phone number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-7233. Someone there can tell Pat or her daughter how to form a safe escape plan.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I used to live in the same city as his parents and sisters. We became very close, getting together several times a week. One of his sisters was my best friend. Because of work, we had to move about four hours away. Since then, we have felt increasingly isolated. I tried to call weekly, visit often and send gifts for every holiday.

About a year in, I realized we were initiating all the contact and tried a little experiment. We stopped calling them. It took more than eight weeks for anyone to contact us. His mother calls his other siblings who live elsewhere every week, but not us. We visit them a few times a year, but they have never visited us despite invitations to do so. My husband is busy with work and, while it hurts him, he is able to forget about it. Although I live closer to my own family now, I mourn the loss of my friends and his family and feel frustrated that they don’t care about us, seemingly caring about other family members more. Any advice? — CAST OFF AND LONELY

DEAR LONELY: It appears you have too much free time on your hands. You can’t change these people’s behavior. Instead of brooding, stop dwelling on your in-laws’ shortcomings and devote your energy to making friends in your new community. If you stop looking backward and find projects that interest you, you will meet like-minded people.

DEAR ABBY: When my lifelong friend “Cheryl” and I would talk once a week to catch up with each other’s lives, she’d describe her other friends’ woes in a really animated way, including a loud voice and extremely vulgar words about those friends. She even talked about her recently departed mother this way. Her mother had not been part of her life for more than 50 years, but when she reentered the scene, she had developed dementia. Her mom’s habit of vulgar talk was probably where Cheryl picked it up.

The funny thing is, when we talk in person, Cheryl doesn’t do it. It’s only on the phone. I recently had a falling-out with an elderly friend, “Louise,” over a similar situation, but it was politically fueled. Louise would call me, inebriated, shouting nasty stuff about my political stance. I finally hung up and blocked her on the phone. Louise is 78 and an admitted alcoholic. Cheryl and I are not; we are in our mid-60s.

I decided to text Cheryl, asking her not to use such vulgar language when we talk because it upsets me. I grew up with a father who cursed and yelled a lot, and I vowed not to talk that way. I’m not a prude. Talking with these two women triggered memories of younger years. Cheryl has now ghosted me. My text wasn’t mean or brutal. Is there anything I can say to her to get my friend back, or am I blocked forever? — OVER AND OUT IN OHIO

DEAR OVER: Because you couldn’t handle Cheryl’s language, you were right to tell her how it made you feel and why. As long as she’s blocking you, there is nothing you can say that will get through. Perhaps it is just as well. In my view, folks who ridicule others are really not very nice at all.

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