DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband two months ago after a long, debilitating illness. I loved him very much, and the loss was very difficult, although not unexpected.

After his funeral, an old friend called me offering condolences. He had lost his wife last year after a long illness, and he understood what I had been through. We both had lost spouses after marriages that had lasted 50 years. We remain in touch and would like to start dating. On one hand, I feel I gave my husband everything I had to give while he was alive. On the other hand, I don’t want to be disrespectful to him, my children and my husband’s family. Is it too soon? — READY NOW IN TEXAS

DEAR READY: While there is no strict timetable for grieving, and you may have started processing your loss before your husband’s actual death, I do think that after only two months you may be jumping the gun a bit. Take as much time as you need to get to know your old friend again. There’s nothing shameful about being seen with someone who is offering condolences and emotional support. In another six to nine months, his presence will no longer shock those who love you and would like to see you happy.

DEAR ABBY: My sons are married and live quite a distance from me. I try to visit several times a year because I want to see my grandchildren as often as I can. Sometimes I stay with them; other times I rent an Airbnb. The problem is that I am a neat-nut. When I’m at their house, I empty full sinks of dishes, clean bathrooms, sweep floors, polish mirrors/ windows, dust furniture, etc. I’ll even do laundry if they want.

I do ask if they mind if I clean up a bit, as they all work and have little time for this. They usually say “Sure!” But lately I’m feeling they regard this like I think they’re dirty, and they say that cleanliness is not a priority in their lives. OK, I get it. I have decided to stop this activity when I’m there. Am I wrong to want to help out? Just wondering if I’m out of line here. Does anyone else do this? — NEAT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEAT: Because you are being told that cleanliness is not a priority in their lives, it seems your efforts may not be appreciated. Yes, some other people do what you have been doing. (These folks have also been known to rearrange the furniture in other people’s homes without being asked to do so.) Is being helpful under these circumstances the right thing to do? I don’t think so. In fact, it could be considered obsessive-compulsive.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, “Andy,” and I have been together 25 years, married for 16. We have three kids ages 14, 11 and 9. Our marriage has always been a happy one. Andy began a government job five years ago, and after two years, he was traveling a lot.

Once he started traveling so often, I had a hard time adjusting to being everything for my kids and not having his support, and he began to resent me for getting so upset every time he left. Travel was not supposed to be part of the job.

We have had huge fights. Andy is drinking a lot, and I found out he had an affair. This has been a huge personality change for him. The man I married would never have had an affair or treated me the way he has. My husband is angry and distant all the time.

We are in counseling and trying to figure out if we have anything left to salvage of our relationship and for our kids. I keep getting mixed signals about where Andy stands. In some conversations, he’s all in. In others, it’s like he can barely look at me, like I did something wrong. Am I a fool for trying to work this out? — MAKING AN EFFORT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR MAKING: You are not a fool; you feel your marriage is something worth fighting for. I’m glad you are in counseling together. That your husband is willing to do this with you is a positive sign. Andy is having trouble looking you in the eye because he feels guilty. Some subjects that should be raised during some of your joint counseling sessions are whether the cause of his ambivalence is that his affair isn’t completely over, how important that government job is to the welfare of your family and whether all of his increased travel was more related to the woman he was seeing than to his job. You have my sympathy.

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