DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my mother developed a small nagging cough, and her overall health started to decline. She entered the hospital on a Monday and by the end of the week, she had passed away from a very aggressive form of lung cancer. We were very close, and I was devastated.

I prepared the obituary and also posted an announcement on Facebook. For days, I heard from friends and family offering condolences. But I never heard a word from my husband’s niece and nephew. My husband’s sister and her husband (their parents) came to the funeral, even though the family lives in a state distant from ours.

I thought we were close to this niece and nephew. They each have children of their own, so they are neither young nor immature. I have been filled with resentment since then. I love them, which is why it hurts so much. I thought we were closer than that.

How can I get past this? I miss my dear mother and the advice and love she provided. After the funeral, I talked to my husband about how brokenhearted I feel. He is a practical person and said I should move on. Is he right? — STILL HURTING IN ALABAMA

DEAR STILL HURTING: Please allow me to offer my sympathy for the loss of your mother, who obviously lives on in your heart. I don’t know whether she would have said this to you, but I don’t think she would have wanted you to harbor resentment.

Sometimes, people keep silent because they don’t know how to express their feelings or are afraid they might say the wrong thing. I don’t know why your younger relatives didn’t reach out to offer condolences upon your mother’s passing, but this may have been the reason. Practicing forgiveness would be healthier than nursing the resentment you are feeling now.

DEAR ABBY: How can I plan and enjoy holidays at my home with my three adult children? One daughter and her husband always find ways to hold imaginary grudges against our other two daughters. This daughter claims to be always left out, yet she never reaches out to her sisters or even to me and her dad. She and her husband fabricate things that aren’t true and stop communicating with everyone. We are always left in the dark.

This has been going on during her entire married life. My husband and I have health issues and no longer want to deal with her childish drama. We would like to have all of us together for holiday get-togethers but can’t because of their hard feelings over imaginary slights. — DISCOURAGED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DISCOURAGED: If this has been going on ever since your daughter married her husband, he may be the one stirring the pot. It’s a shame because what he’s really doing is isolating her. I am sorry you didn’t mention how you handle these temporary estrangements. My advice is to be your warm, friendly self. Continue inviting your daughter to these family get-togethers. If she shows up, great. If she doesn’t, celebrate without her, which might be easier considering the tension she brings with her.

DEAR ABBY: I’m married, and in my mid-40s. My wife and I have a robust social life, for which we both feel very lucky and blessed. We have amazing friends who are a wonderful support system and with whom we go out regularly.

Lately, our wives have been wanting to go to dance clubs, where the majority of people are half our age. I’m the youngest of the husbands in our friend group. We go along despite feeling uncomfortable. We get weird looks and the occasional comment, and it’s awkward being there.

We’ve talked about it among the guys and agree this is a tough situation. We’ve had conversations with our wives about feeling uncomfortable, and we all got similar responses, like “Well, then don’t come.” The one or two times I’ve sat out, my wife was cool toward me for several days afterward.

She really enjoys going to clubs with her friends and I don’t want her to stop enjoying her life. I also understand she feels safer in those environments when I’m around. It’s just hard for me and my buddies to feel like losers or people who are “much too old to be at the club,” despite the fact that we’re with our wives. Is my perspective valid? Or do I just need to suck it up? — SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND IN TEXAS

DEAR HUSBAND: No guy is “too old” to go dancing. If your problem is that you feel weird doing it, you and your friends should consider signing up for some dance lessons. (No, I am not kidding.) With someone who is experienced and has the patience to teach you, you might actually have fun. Those who have two left feet or no sense of rhythm should consider another activity on the nights their wives go dancing.

P.S. Your wife should not punish you for feeling awkward about going to those clubs. She should instead be trying to help you.

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