DEAR ABBY: I met this guy at work. He was everything I’m looking for in a guy. During a lunch walk, he told me about his breakup with his ex and how he moved out and bought a house. He lives with his son and his nephews and their family. The entire two months we dated were amazing. There may have been a couple of red flags my coworker and friends noticed. He couldn’t message me often after work or on weekends, and he was always so busy with his kid we couldn’t go on a date. He told me his ex was not in the picture, which I thought was odd since his son is only two.
I don’t know why I decided to do some internet research on him, but I found out he actually is married and bought the house with that ‘ex.’ When I confronted him about this, he insisted he had told me about it when we first started talking, which is not true. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, he says he’s getting back with her ‘for his son’ but still wants me in the picture as his side piece. I fell in love with him, Abby, and he says he loves me, too. I don’t think it’s right to do this, but I don’t want to stop talking to him. Should I block him and move on or stick around since he still wants me? — SIDE PIECE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SIDE PIECE: Close your eyes, dig deep and see if you can feel around and locate a shred of your self-esteem. Why would you be content to be a ‘side piece’ in this philanderer’s life? He doesn’t love you. I doubt he loves anyone but himself. Do yourself a giant favor: Quit listening to his sales pitch, block him and find someone who can give you the love you crave.
DEAR ABBY: Last week my wife and I were at a local function. During intermission, a man walked up behind my wife and placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked up, shouted ‘George!’, jumped out of her chair and was all over him, fondling his face and head. I had to turn away, but our friends continued to watch as the two carried on. She claims it was not inappropriate behavior and that I am just jealous. Is this really a married woman’s normal behavior? WOUNDED IN MISSOURI
DEAR WOUNDED: Bind your ‘wound’ and let it go. While your wife’s reaction may have seemed over-the-top to you, if George is someone your wife cared about and hadn’t seen in many years, it wasn’t out of the realm of normality for her.
DEAR ABBY: My ex-mother-in-law caught wind that my 6year-old would be getting her first haircut and took it upon herself to trim my daughter’s baby curls without telling me so she could keep some for herself. I am livid. She has taken the first birthday, the first Christmas dress, the first pair of shoes. I get that it’s her first time being a grandma, but this is my first and only time being a mom. She is a delicate woman. How do I approach this? FIRST-TIME MOM
DEAR FIRSTTIME: Explain to your ex-mother-in-law what you wrote to me, omitting the part about ‘livid’ because she’s ‘delicate.’ The next time a first approaches, inform her politely that you wish to be consulted before she does anything else involving your daughter.
DEAR ABBY: My father has depended on my mother (and me) for money for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t because he was unable to work, but because he was lazy and had a drinking and gambling problem. My parents eventually divorced, and my father moved in with his sister (my aunt). She died in 2016, which would have made my father homeless, so my sister and I bought our aunt’s home from our cousins so he could stay there.
Fast-forward: Our father is planning to remarry. We do not love paying for him to live rent-free in our house, but in no way do we plan to pay for his future wife to live in the house. The money isn’t that significant, but it is more the principle of the matter to me. I don’t believe in supporting lazy people who take advantage of others. How do we kick our father out of the house without being total jerks? He is older and not in great health. We suspect the equally nonworking, slightly younger woman he plans to marry sees this as a chance to move into a house for free, knowing it is hard to kick out squatters. Please advise. FRUSTRATED SON IN NEW YORK
DEAR SON: You and your family have allowed your father to continue living his life dependent upon all of you. I hope your aunt’s house is in your and your sister’s names, or you will have no say about who your father invites in. The time has come to put your foot down. Consult an attorney for legal guidance about this matter. You are not obligated to financially support any person to whom your father takes a liking and wants to live with, married or not.
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