DEAR ABBY: My fiancé has a number of male friends she has known for years. One of them stops off at her work, brings food and gifts, and may go out with her after hours. Another called her one evening and invited her out for drinks to celebrate his promotion.

At a recent party, another one had his hands on her back or shoulders whenever he spoke to her (she was wearing a silk blouse). Prior to that, she had left with him to go to the ATM holding his hand. At another party, I practically had to wrestle another “friend” away from her so I could sit next to her at dinner and later stand next to her for the group picture.

When I tell her I’m upset about this, especially that she is allowing it to go on, she tells me they have been friends for years and there is nothing sexual going on. (In fact, she says I’m the only man she knows who thinks that way.) She says, “We’re all just touchy-feely.” Observing these goings-on, I don’t see any of her other male or female friends touching anyone else like this.

I would never touch another woman who was in a committed relationship. She insists it’s just me, and that if I say anything, she will be upset. So, here I sit, stewing, while her supposedly non-sexual friends paw at her and vie for her attention. Advice? SEETHING IN NEW YORK

DEAR SEETHING: Yes. Your fiancé has made it plain that she doesn’t plan to change. This is why you should stop seething and end the engagement. Unless you enjoy pain and anxiety, this isn’t the girl for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have one grandchild and another on the way. I have been struggling lately with all the rules and boundaries my children are placing on me. I realize that with the internet and the new parent courses, they are receiving more information than I ever did.

The latest issue is with my daughter who is due in a few months. We are very close, but suddenly she says I will need to shower and wear clean clothing before seeing her child. She’s afraid of third-hand smoke. I am, unfortunately, a smoker.

I would never smoke around her baby. I don’t even smoke in the house, but she has told me it’s her rule. I have read everything about third-hand smoke and haven’t found any statistics about the amount of exposure it would take to harm a baby.

I’m going to try to quit, but I think this is crazy. She hasn’t said anything about cleaning products, food or anything else. Am I wrong in thinking this is over the top? — SAD SMOKER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SMOKE: As a longtime smoker, you are probably no longer aware of how unpleasant the smell of tobacco can be for nonsmokers. It clings to the smoker’s hair, skin, clothing and surroundings. You are entitled to think whatever you wish, but as you stated, this is your daughter’s rule, and if you are going to interact with that grandchild, you will have to respect it.

I truly hope you will be able to overcome your tobacco addiction and cuddle the baby. If you do, you will be doing all of you (including yourself) a favor.

DEARABBY: My sister has bullied and controlled me most of my life. She has said many very unkind things, and I have reached a place in my life where I need peace and distance from her. Because of this, I have blocked her from texting or calling me.

The problem I’m having is that my sister texts and sends pictures and presents to my in-laws. I feel this is inappropriate. She’s married and has her own inlaws to grow a relationship with. I feel she does it to stay relevant in my life and also to show my in-laws that she’s a nice person.

I know she’s an adult and can have relationships with whomever she chooses, but it feels to me that she is overstepping boundaries. I can’t breathe or have a life outside of her. My husband’s family are MY in-laws, not hers. Are my feelings unreasonable? — SMOTHERED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SMOTHERED: Your in-laws can have a relationship with anyone they wish. You cannot control who sends them texts, photos and gifts, particularly if they enjoy them. You may feel your sister has no place in their lives, but unless they agree, you are out of luck.

Of course, your feelings are your feelings and, from what you have written about your sister’s past treatment of you, you’re entitled to them. But to allow her to take up any more space in your head than you already have is counterproductive.

Talk with a therapist about this, if necessary, to help you quit obsessing about her. The problem isn’t her – it is how you continue to react to her.

DEAR ABBY: Growing up, my best friend was a female. We had a strong platonic friendship for many years. Our primary method of communication was letter-writing. We wrote hundreds of letters and emails to each other before we drifted apart during college.

We recently reconnected after 10 years and quickly began talking like we used to. I’m excited to write to my fellow letter-writer again, but we are both married now, and I want to be respectful of the spouses involved.

Is there a right way to revive our constant flow of letters and emails, like in the old days? The letters are respectful, and we write about a wide variety of topics that interest us. — CAUTIOUS IN CAL-Woman’s IFORNIA

DEAR CAUTIOUS: Letter-writing is fast becoming a dying art, and it’s a shame. I hope you and your friend have been saving the correspondence you’ve exchanged because they are valuable keepsakes that reflect your activities and opinions as you both have matured.

I see nothing wrong with continuing the exchange of letters as long as your spouses are aware of it and don’t object. More people should consider doing what you are doing. I have been told by friends (pre-”Abby”) that they have kept mine and enjoyed rereading them.

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